I haven't posted anything in just over a year, mostly because I haven't felt like I've had anything significant to say, let alone something that people would care to read. Fair warning, this is a lengthy post. I'm not even sure there's a real point to it, but it's one I've been thinking about for a long time. Since I graduated (again) back in May, perhaps the biggest difference I have noticed between being in school vs. "the real world," is keeping up with friendships.
I've always felt like I am pretty good at making friends. I relate to a good variety of people and seem to get along with just about everyone. Sometimes, being friends with everybody creates the problem when you are friends with people who are not friends/do not like other people, but that's a thought for another time. Since graduating, I've learned that I am still good at making friends. However, I am amazed at how much proximity plays in friendship (and/or relationships, for that matter).
It is a rather simple concept: it's easier to develop relationships with people that you see often than it is to develop relationships with people you don't see everyday. The half-life of a friendship seems to be a product of how often I am with someone and how I often we stay in contact. When I was in school, I was involved with a lot of different groups for a long time. The MUSS, SAB, ASUU, RHE, ESS, the honors floor, and other assorted acronyms and abbreviations of groups. I developed amazing friendships, many of which I hope will continue throughout our lives. Spending long hours with the same group of people, especially people that I enjoy being around, created an amazing depth in our friendships. There's a saying that states, "The greatest gift you can give someone is your time," and I definitely have been the recipient of some incredible shared moments.
You know when you meet up with an old friend that you haven't seen in years, yet you pick up right where you left off? While you both may have grown up and your philosophies of life have changed a little bit, the conversation is still an enriching one? That's the kind of depth I've developed with so many great people over the years, especially during my involvement in my quick 7 years at Utah. Spend enough time with people and it's almost impossible not to create depth. Some friendships develop more quickly than others, and obviously there are a lot of factors that go into that process. Other friendship still reach that depth, but more subtly.
Being involved with different groups helped me develop so many incredible friendships. I cannot say that enough. Board meetings, committee meetings, events, tabling, set up, clean up, presentations, teaching, mentoring, serving others, etc. There were few things I enjoyed more during my time than learning more about the person next to me. Then one day, there were no more student group meetings for me to attend, and my medium for meeting new people disappeared as the ink dried on my diploma.
Technology, specifically social media, has made it easy for me to keep up with friends. However, it's more passive. I learn what people are doing these days, but experience of a good conversation has been packaged into 140 characters or a status update. The depth of a friendship via social media is a mere puddle compared to potential depth created by actual human contact. As I watched the first fall without school in over 20 years from the screen of my computer, I began to realize that I was no longer engaging with real people, but just a world of internet posts.
It's interesting how days can feel so mundane and void of anything new, yet look back a month ago and so many things may have changed. It's very easy to let life passively move into the past. Yet, "to live" life is an action, is it not? I recently sifted through some old papers and came across my speech to the College of Health. I immediately ate my own words as I recalled speaking about how learning is an active process and is something that I cannot have somebody else do for me. Friendships cannot be developed for me. I can't ask you to go out for coffee with someone and then expect me and that person (or you) to become better friends through the process. As the months of the fall semester went by, I realized that strange sort of way, this is how I was in regards to my friendships (or at least it felt that way).
I only bring this topic up because continuing to develop friendships and create new ones after graduation was never something I thought I would struggle with. It was not something even on my radar. I was more worried about a job, dating, season tickets, etc. I never thought that I would struggle with keeping up with friends or making new friends. When I finally came to terms with this realization around Thanksgiving and talking with some close friends who recently graduated and were dealing with a similar thing, I decided to start doing something about it.
These days, the holidays and the month of January are a time when what I'm doing with my life are heavily on my mind. When Asha passed away, relationships took on a new meaning for me, as did my personal definition of "family." Unfortunately, while the definition improved a bit, I don't think I have done a very good job of showing my appreciation for those people who mean so much to me, with the exception of a few. Whether publicly or privately, I encourage you to thank someone for being your friend. Big display or small display of affection, in this case, I think it is the thought that really counts. Maybe it's something as simple as a text, wishing them a good day.
In the last few weeks, even in the face of balancing different job responsibilities, I have made a better effort to reach out to friends and catch up with them. If possible, it's always something face to face, like lunch/dinner, coffee or dessert. Sometimes Skype or a phone conversation. Yet, I wish I could reach out to more people. To me, the best experiences are always in person.
Life is pretty simple, but it is also really simple (and easy) to let things get cluttered. Whenever someone asks me about the biggest difference between being in school and being graduated, relationships is always the number one thing I discuss. Perhaps I struggle with it more than others. Either way, the next time you are in the middle of something awesome with the people you have become great friends with, in addition to your obligatory group picture, really take a moment to appreciate where you are.
If you read this all the way through, you're a trooper. While I think I digressed at various points, I hope you got something out of this post. In cliche fashion, what I miss the most about school are the people I saw on a regular basis. Regardless of what you got out of my post, I felt the need to share with everyone. Let me know what you think!
Ok, I love this. And as someone who is still in school, but moved away from a lot of friends and family, I can say that relationships (and maintaining them) has become a big focus in my life. I try to make at least one phone call per day to someone I don't see often.
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