Fair warning, this is a rather long post, so if you stick around the whole time, either you really care about whatever it is I have to say or Netflix is down or you have finished going through your regular Twitter/Facebook/Instagram update. I promise you'll get a little bit of an inside look from my time on the
MUSS Board. Perhaps I'll even give you some stuff to think about (not necessarily MUSS related). Regardless of why you are reading, I appreciate it!
This Friday morning, I woke up fairly early for me (7 AM) after the first full night's sleep I've had in a very long time. Feeling pretty refreshed, I decided to get out of bed instead of going back to sleep and risk waking back up at 11 AM, thus wasting another morning. With nothing special to do, I decided to start cleaning the apartment a little bit. I swept and mopped the kitchen, washed the dishes, wiped the counters, tidied up the bathroom, and even threw in a load of laundry. By the time 9 AM rolled around, I accomplished more before noon than I had in the last couple weeks combined. With the public areas of our apartment looking more presentable, I turned towards the organized chaos of my room.
I don't know about you, but there is a direct correlation between how busy or stressed I am and how messy my room is. The more busy/stressed I feel, the messier my room is. On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being "Tornado Warning in Area" and 10 being "Super Clean," it's sitting at about an 8. Like I said earlier, I like to describe my room as organized chaos. It doesn't look very organized, but like many of you, I know exactly where most of my things are in an otherwise random combination of library, laundry hamper, assorted technology, and school supplies. By the time I turned to straightening my pile of wedding announcements and neatly stacking the growing pile of books to read, I had built a good amount of momentum in my morning cleaning spree. As I was putting away some old Exercise & Sport Science textbooks and notes, I stumbled upon something that halted all production for the day.
I found notes from my old
MUSS days. Now when I refer to "my old MUSS days," I usually mean the years I served as a Vice-President/President-Elect and then President, 2010 and 2011, respectively. January 2010 through December 2011 are easily among my favorite years as an undergrad at Utah. When I say I found notes, I mean I found every single note I took over that 2 year span. From initial interviews for MUSS Board members, meetings with departments and student groups on campus, executive committee meetings, meetings outside the University of Utah, business cards, phone numbers, board meeting agendas, all the way to any random idea I came up with that I thought could help the MUSS grow and improve. I have a couple binders (albeit small) full of just notes and papers. I probably have more notes than most students have from classes for those semesters. I have "found" these notes numerous times in the past, but today I decided to read through some of the stuff a bit, just for a nice stroll down Memory Lane.
It's amazing how much we can remember with simple cues. Even more so, it's amazing what we can feel with those simple cues. Inside jokes, abbreviations, symbols, and the like were littered throughout my notes. Some moments I have not thought of in a few years came flooding back. My brain went into the archives to retrieve the old sights, sounds, and other senses involved with my notes. I remember all of the behind the scenes work we did.
Tabling at freshmen orientations. Calling people to welcome them to the MUSS Board. Dragging the damn Plinko board all over the place and rebuilding it. Twice. Difficult, but productive conversations with board members. Parade floats. Crimson Nights. The Pac-10/12 invitation moment and shaking hands with Commissioner Larry Scott on national television. ESPN Gameday. Dominating the Food Drive vs. BYU. Meeting with coaches. Getting to know those coaches on a first name basis. Standing up to higher ups and telling them to their face that I thought something was a bad idea and they go through with it anyway (only to agree with me later). MUSS Soccer scarves. Building a MUSS for Utah Volleyball. Meeting the Utah Gymnastics team and working with them for years to come. Running the MUSS flag out at a football game. Collaborating with dozens of schools in the west
except for BYU. It was almost as if I dropped into Tom Riddle's diary or Dumbledore's Pensieve from
Harry Potter, without the murder and looming Horcrux or ghostly past vibes.
I can't help but look back at those times fondly, especially as MUSS President in 2011. 2010 was great, but there was something magical (pun somewhat intended) about that year. I loved that board and all its members. It was so cohesive. For the most part, I think just about everybody felt like they could have a fun conversation with any person on that board. At board meetings, people moved around from meeting to meeting because they felt comfortable enough to sit next to anyone on the board, not just their best friends. That was how we wanted it as a executive committee.
Don't get me wrong, when we needed to be strict and get things done, we tightened up and got the job done. But I never felt that board members thought that they were really being forced into tabling or volunteering for events. Even better, people looked forward to board meetings, sometimes even apologizing to me more than once if they had to miss one. If they did miss one, I was sure to have a text or email asking for updates. Everyone wanted to contribute because everybody knew that they had a stake and role on the board. They knew that every single one of them was an important piece to that board, the MUSS, and in some cases the university itself. I owe so much thanks to
Ellen Stemle and
Kenny Morley, my Vice-Presidents, as well as
John Fackler and
Brynn Whitchurch, our advisers, for helping me create such a welcoming and productive culture that year. And if you were on the board that year, I hope you felt like you were a part of something special. Even now, if you're currently on the board, even though I'm not on the board, I'd love to talk The MUSS with you.
Spoiler alert: things are about to get a bit sad.
Then, while looking at the names of board member, something fell out that binder that brought me back to reality. It was a newspaper clipping from the Post Register in Idaho Falls. "I.F. grad dies after Utah ski accident."
"I.F. grad dies after Utah ski accident."
Just typing those words bring tears to my eyes. If you want to hear more of the story, contact me, let's go out for coffee, and I'll share whatever you want to know about that day. As briefly as I can make it, on Sunday morning,
January 29, 2012, my little sister,
Asha, a recently initiated member of
Pi Beta Phi's PC '11, had an epilepsy related seizure while on a ski lift up at The Canyons in Park City with some friends. She fell onto an area where three different runs meet, creating a hard packed snow surface. Long story short, she died from complications from that fall before they could airlift her to a hospital.
It is difficult for me to type exactly what happened in the days and weeks to follow (again, more of a face to face coffee chat), but I can tell you that my priorities shifted. After two wonderful years on being involved with the MUSS and all the involvement with Utah Athletics,
it didn't matter anymore. Sports and so many other things that seemed important in life quickly became a distant second place. A second place to family, but I've since then carried a slightly altered definition of "family." My family was/is not just my immediate family and anyone that I'm directly related to. At the time of Asha's passing, she and I were the only family members in Salt Lake City. Our brother,
Alex, has been in Los Angeles pursuing stand up comedy (follow him on Twitter at
@alexdcomedy. Our sister,
Jenni, and her family live back home in Idaho Falls. Our parents also live in Idaho Falls, but they were at their second home in Southwest Florida. In other words, my immediate family was all over the place.
Personally, my family extends way beyond my immediate family.
I have a Utah family. At the time, I had the MUSS board, Student Alumni Board, my grad program classmates, and all of the other close relationships built over the years. I was nearly overwhelmed with all of the love and support from everyone that ever touched my life at Utah. I knew I made a bit of an impact on some lives, but I did not realize just how profound the reciprocation would be. Roommates, classmates, board members, advisers, coaches, athletes, and unique friendships were immediately at my side. I gained a bit of a Greek family from this as well. Specifically,
I gained a family of Pi Phi sisters. I would like to thank
Erica Glende and her officers for handling that whole situation so well and taking care of my family. If you're a Pi Phi and were at this past spring's chapter meeting when I addressed all of you, then you know just how deeply moved I am by your acceptance. Especially
PC '11. I always like to say that there's no love quite like Pi Phi love because I have experienced it full force. (Pi Phis, if you did not read it, I think
Katie Koplow has the letter I wrote to PC '11).
Before me sat two drastically contrasting moments in my life. The greatest contribution I think I've ever formally been a part of with The MUSS Board, and a reminder of how quickly it can all mean nothing.
It's now July 2014. Nearly 2 & 1/2 years since my dad shocked my world with a short phone conversation. Two and a half years, and I am just barely beginning to really process all of that week, in addition to what I want out of life. While I am thankful I just finished grad school, I don't think I really allowed myself to really process everything. Only in the past few weeks have I really just sat down and thought about everything. Some questions that I ponder(ed) are some that I encourage others to deeply think about: "What is important to me? Who is important to me? Who am I? Who am I not? Who makes me feel worth something? How do I make others feel about themselves? Who do I admire and why? Who are the people I look up to? Do I tend to think positively or negatively?" While some of those question are more rhetorical than literal, I believe they are still worth pondering to an extent.
If you've made it this far, then you may be wondering if I have anything profound to say or if this blog post is about to end. (Chances are that I will disappoint you on both fronts). Like I said, only the past few weeks have I really processed a lot of things. I've learned a lot about myself and really started to become comfortable with myself. Some people have told me they see me as a very confident person, and in most cases I am, but it may surprise you how much insecurities I've not addressed over the years. For instance, I used to be pretty concerned with not upsetting others. Not that I felt like I needed to please everyone, but I do not like to upset others, so I would generally try steer away from confrontation. While I still don't like upsetting others, I have been more secure in my own opinions and with who I am. I am better at setting up my own boundaries. Sort of a, "This is who I am and what I'm all about," kind of thing, but with no arrogance intended. I once read something that said confidence is being comfortable enough with yourself that you don't feel the need to compare yourself with others.
I'm far from perfect in any sense, but I do my best and I've learned that I don't need to feel concerned with comparing myself with others.
I've always liked to believed that, for the most part, I genuinely get along with everyone I meet. Whether they are genuine with me is a different story, but I hope that everyone I've met feels like I am genuine with them. I actually do care about you when I ask, "How are you doing?" I'm not just going through the motions. I want you to feel the love and sense of belonging that I have felt throughout my life.
It is as simple as treating you like a person. Not a title, not a position, not a number, but a person.
If I were to end this with some suggestions to people, I suppose it is similar to the theme of my last post. Perhaps the theme is the same because it is a theme for my life. I firmly believe that everyone wants a sense of belonging. Do you welcome new board members, friends, students, etc. with open arms, or are you quick to give them an incidental cold shoulder?
It is simple, but not easy, to extend your hand to someone you don't know and introduce yourself. It is even more difficult to do that if you are new to a group. I always do my best to remember what it is like to be new somewhere and the fear of not knowing anyone. Then I remember those who did welcome me in and how the tension disappeared. Maybe my welcoming comes off insincere to some because I know that there are some people I know that no matter how hard they try, they come across sounding fake, even if they aren't meaning to appear that way. But simply put,
are you someone who welcomes someone intentionally or passively ignore them?
Some friends might call me optimistic to a fault. While that may be true, I believe that you always have a choice in the way you think.
You can choose to look at the bright side of things and move towards that, or you can focus on the negatives. What kind of person do you enjoy being around more: Someone who always seems to complain about life around them, or someone who encourages your spirit? Perhaps a better question is who would you rather be? Whatever you choose in life, be sure you
know why you do things the way you do them.
Yes, this was a long post. Maybe it was boring for you to read. Maybe you really disagree with everything I wrote. Maybe you have a brand new idea for the MUSS that no one has ever thought of (try me). To be honest, I'm not 100% what my point was for writing this other than to put my thoughts out there. Whether you liked it or not, that's fine with me. Leave a comment, question, or future topic for me. Thanks for reading!
