Monday, November 23, 2015
Friday, November 20, 2015
Demand more
Tuesday, February 10, 2015
My biggest struggle since graduation
I haven't posted anything in just over a year, mostly because I haven't felt like I've had anything significant to say, let alone something that people would care to read. Fair warning, this is a lengthy post. I'm not even sure there's a real point to it, but it's one I've been thinking about for a long time. Since I graduated (again) back in May, perhaps the biggest difference I have noticed between being in school vs. "the real world," is keeping up with friendships.
I've always felt like I am pretty good at making friends. I relate to a good variety of people and seem to get along with just about everyone. Sometimes, being friends with everybody creates the problem when you are friends with people who are not friends/do not like other people, but that's a thought for another time. Since graduating, I've learned that I am still good at making friends. However, I am amazed at how much proximity plays in friendship (and/or relationships, for that matter).
It is a rather simple concept: it's easier to develop relationships with people that you see often than it is to develop relationships with people you don't see everyday. The half-life of a friendship seems to be a product of how often I am with someone and how I often we stay in contact. When I was in school, I was involved with a lot of different groups for a long time. The MUSS, SAB, ASUU, RHE, ESS, the honors floor, and other assorted acronyms and abbreviations of groups. I developed amazing friendships, many of which I hope will continue throughout our lives. Spending long hours with the same group of people, especially people that I enjoy being around, created an amazing depth in our friendships. There's a saying that states, "The greatest gift you can give someone is your time," and I definitely have been the recipient of some incredible shared moments.
You know when you meet up with an old friend that you haven't seen in years, yet you pick up right where you left off? While you both may have grown up and your philosophies of life have changed a little bit, the conversation is still an enriching one? That's the kind of depth I've developed with so many great people over the years, especially during my involvement in my quick 7 years at Utah. Spend enough time with people and it's almost impossible not to create depth. Some friendships develop more quickly than others, and obviously there are a lot of factors that go into that process. Other friendship still reach that depth, but more subtly.
Being involved with different groups helped me develop so many incredible friendships. I cannot say that enough. Board meetings, committee meetings, events, tabling, set up, clean up, presentations, teaching, mentoring, serving others, etc. There were few things I enjoyed more during my time than learning more about the person next to me. Then one day, there were no more student group meetings for me to attend, and my medium for meeting new people disappeared as the ink dried on my diploma.
Technology, specifically social media, has made it easy for me to keep up with friends. However, it's more passive. I learn what people are doing these days, but experience of a good conversation has been packaged into 140 characters or a status update. The depth of a friendship via social media is a mere puddle compared to potential depth created by actual human contact. As I watched the first fall without school in over 20 years from the screen of my computer, I began to realize that I was no longer engaging with real people, but just a world of internet posts.
It's interesting how days can feel so mundane and void of anything new, yet look back a month ago and so many things may have changed. It's very easy to let life passively move into the past. Yet, "to live" life is an action, is it not? I recently sifted through some old papers and came across my speech to the College of Health. I immediately ate my own words as I recalled speaking about how learning is an active process and is something that I cannot have somebody else do for me. Friendships cannot be developed for me. I can't ask you to go out for coffee with someone and then expect me and that person (or you) to become better friends through the process. As the months of the fall semester went by, I realized that strange sort of way, this is how I was in regards to my friendships (or at least it felt that way).
I only bring this topic up because continuing to develop friendships and create new ones after graduation was never something I thought I would struggle with. It was not something even on my radar. I was more worried about a job, dating, season tickets, etc. I never thought that I would struggle with keeping up with friends or making new friends. When I finally came to terms with this realization around Thanksgiving and talking with some close friends who recently graduated and were dealing with a similar thing, I decided to start doing something about it.
These days, the holidays and the month of January are a time when what I'm doing with my life are heavily on my mind. When Asha passed away, relationships took on a new meaning for me, as did my personal definition of "family." Unfortunately, while the definition improved a bit, I don't think I have done a very good job of showing my appreciation for those people who mean so much to me, with the exception of a few. Whether publicly or privately, I encourage you to thank someone for being your friend. Big display or small display of affection, in this case, I think it is the thought that really counts. Maybe it's something as simple as a text, wishing them a good day.
In the last few weeks, even in the face of balancing different job responsibilities, I have made a better effort to reach out to friends and catch up with them. If possible, it's always something face to face, like lunch/dinner, coffee or dessert. Sometimes Skype or a phone conversation. Yet, I wish I could reach out to more people. To me, the best experiences are always in person.
Life is pretty simple, but it is also really simple (and easy) to let things get cluttered. Whenever someone asks me about the biggest difference between being in school and being graduated, relationships is always the number one thing I discuss. Perhaps I struggle with it more than others. Either way, the next time you are in the middle of something awesome with the people you have become great friends with, in addition to your obligatory group picture, really take a moment to appreciate where you are.
If you read this all the way through, you're a trooper. While I think I digressed at various points, I hope you got something out of this post. In cliche fashion, what I miss the most about school are the people I saw on a regular basis. Regardless of what you got out of my post, I felt the need to share with everyone. Let me know what you think!
I've always felt like I am pretty good at making friends. I relate to a good variety of people and seem to get along with just about everyone. Sometimes, being friends with everybody creates the problem when you are friends with people who are not friends/do not like other people, but that's a thought for another time. Since graduating, I've learned that I am still good at making friends. However, I am amazed at how much proximity plays in friendship (and/or relationships, for that matter).
It is a rather simple concept: it's easier to develop relationships with people that you see often than it is to develop relationships with people you don't see everyday. The half-life of a friendship seems to be a product of how often I am with someone and how I often we stay in contact. When I was in school, I was involved with a lot of different groups for a long time. The MUSS, SAB, ASUU, RHE, ESS, the honors floor, and other assorted acronyms and abbreviations of groups. I developed amazing friendships, many of which I hope will continue throughout our lives. Spending long hours with the same group of people, especially people that I enjoy being around, created an amazing depth in our friendships. There's a saying that states, "The greatest gift you can give someone is your time," and I definitely have been the recipient of some incredible shared moments.
You know when you meet up with an old friend that you haven't seen in years, yet you pick up right where you left off? While you both may have grown up and your philosophies of life have changed a little bit, the conversation is still an enriching one? That's the kind of depth I've developed with so many great people over the years, especially during my involvement in my quick 7 years at Utah. Spend enough time with people and it's almost impossible not to create depth. Some friendships develop more quickly than others, and obviously there are a lot of factors that go into that process. Other friendship still reach that depth, but more subtly.
Being involved with different groups helped me develop so many incredible friendships. I cannot say that enough. Board meetings, committee meetings, events, tabling, set up, clean up, presentations, teaching, mentoring, serving others, etc. There were few things I enjoyed more during my time than learning more about the person next to me. Then one day, there were no more student group meetings for me to attend, and my medium for meeting new people disappeared as the ink dried on my diploma.
Technology, specifically social media, has made it easy for me to keep up with friends. However, it's more passive. I learn what people are doing these days, but experience of a good conversation has been packaged into 140 characters or a status update. The depth of a friendship via social media is a mere puddle compared to potential depth created by actual human contact. As I watched the first fall without school in over 20 years from the screen of my computer, I began to realize that I was no longer engaging with real people, but just a world of internet posts.
It's interesting how days can feel so mundane and void of anything new, yet look back a month ago and so many things may have changed. It's very easy to let life passively move into the past. Yet, "to live" life is an action, is it not? I recently sifted through some old papers and came across my speech to the College of Health. I immediately ate my own words as I recalled speaking about how learning is an active process and is something that I cannot have somebody else do for me. Friendships cannot be developed for me. I can't ask you to go out for coffee with someone and then expect me and that person (or you) to become better friends through the process. As the months of the fall semester went by, I realized that strange sort of way, this is how I was in regards to my friendships (or at least it felt that way).
I only bring this topic up because continuing to develop friendships and create new ones after graduation was never something I thought I would struggle with. It was not something even on my radar. I was more worried about a job, dating, season tickets, etc. I never thought that I would struggle with keeping up with friends or making new friends. When I finally came to terms with this realization around Thanksgiving and talking with some close friends who recently graduated and were dealing with a similar thing, I decided to start doing something about it.
These days, the holidays and the month of January are a time when what I'm doing with my life are heavily on my mind. When Asha passed away, relationships took on a new meaning for me, as did my personal definition of "family." Unfortunately, while the definition improved a bit, I don't think I have done a very good job of showing my appreciation for those people who mean so much to me, with the exception of a few. Whether publicly or privately, I encourage you to thank someone for being your friend. Big display or small display of affection, in this case, I think it is the thought that really counts. Maybe it's something as simple as a text, wishing them a good day.
In the last few weeks, even in the face of balancing different job responsibilities, I have made a better effort to reach out to friends and catch up with them. If possible, it's always something face to face, like lunch/dinner, coffee or dessert. Sometimes Skype or a phone conversation. Yet, I wish I could reach out to more people. To me, the best experiences are always in person.
Life is pretty simple, but it is also really simple (and easy) to let things get cluttered. Whenever someone asks me about the biggest difference between being in school and being graduated, relationships is always the number one thing I discuss. Perhaps I struggle with it more than others. Either way, the next time you are in the middle of something awesome with the people you have become great friends with, in addition to your obligatory group picture, really take a moment to appreciate where you are.
If you read this all the way through, you're a trooper. While I think I digressed at various points, I hope you got something out of this post. In cliche fashion, what I miss the most about school are the people I saw on a regular basis. Regardless of what you got out of my post, I felt the need to share with everyone. Let me know what you think!
Sunday, July 20, 2014
A simple request: Share your inspiration
This overcast Sunday morning I woke up at 6 AM, for no particular reason other than the fact that apparently I got enough sleep last night. Perhaps it was a sign that I was supposed to wake up early and see if Rory McIlroy would win the Open Championship. Whatever the reason, I woke up just as restless and unsettled as I was when I went to bed. So, I decided to go for a small adventure.
I decided to drive up to campus and go find my old favorite spot to overlook campus and the Salt Lake valley. It has been well over a year since I've been to this old spot. Unfortunately, thanks to advancements on campus, my favorite view is now obstructed by new buildings. Slightly frustrated, I searched for another spot to hopefully watch the sunrise breakthrough the rather overcast landscape.
I drove up to the Natural History Museum parking lot, got out, and decided to go for a walk. I was only wearing sandals because I hoped to just sit and sip my coffee. However, I figured that I wouldn't be going on too adventurous of a hike, so I wandered up one of the many trails, ready to take some photos.
I've attached a few photos from my small hike, as well as another one from earlier in the weekend at Sugar House Park. I have one simple request: Please comment with your favorite quote, scripture, hashtag, etc. of inspiration, hope, and/or encouragement that you like sharing with others. If you have more than one, please share! I'm curious to know what gets others through times of struggle.
I decided to drive up to campus and go find my old favorite spot to overlook campus and the Salt Lake valley. It has been well over a year since I've been to this old spot. Unfortunately, thanks to advancements on campus, my favorite view is now obstructed by new buildings. Slightly frustrated, I searched for another spot to hopefully watch the sunrise breakthrough the rather overcast landscape.
I drove up to the Natural History Museum parking lot, got out, and decided to go for a walk. I was only wearing sandals because I hoped to just sit and sip my coffee. However, I figured that I wouldn't be going on too adventurous of a hike, so I wandered up one of the many trails, ready to take some photos.
I've attached a few photos from my small hike, as well as another one from earlier in the weekend at Sugar House Park. I have one simple request: Please comment with your favorite quote, scripture, hashtag, etc. of inspiration, hope, and/or encouragement that you like sharing with others. If you have more than one, please share! I'm curious to know what gets others through times of struggle.
 |
| Sugar House Park |
Friday, July 11, 2014
Looking back at the MUSS and a major life perspective shift: January 2010 to January 29, 2012
Fair warning, this is a rather long post, so if you stick around the whole time, either you really care about whatever it is I have to say or Netflix is down or you have finished going through your regular Twitter/Facebook/Instagram update. I promise you'll get a little bit of an inside look from my time on the MUSS Board. Perhaps I'll even give you some stuff to think about (not necessarily MUSS related). Regardless of why you are reading, I appreciate it!
This Friday morning, I woke up fairly early for me (7 AM) after the first full night's sleep I've had in a very long time. Feeling pretty refreshed, I decided to get out of bed instead of going back to sleep and risk waking back up at 11 AM, thus wasting another morning. With nothing special to do, I decided to start cleaning the apartment a little bit. I swept and mopped the kitchen, washed the dishes, wiped the counters, tidied up the bathroom, and even threw in a load of laundry. By the time 9 AM rolled around, I accomplished more before noon than I had in the last couple weeks combined. With the public areas of our apartment looking more presentable, I turned towards the organized chaos of my room.
I don't know about you, but there is a direct correlation between how busy or stressed I am and how messy my room is. The more busy/stressed I feel, the messier my room is. On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being "Tornado Warning in Area" and 10 being "Super Clean," it's sitting at about an 8. Like I said earlier, I like to describe my room as organized chaos. It doesn't look very organized, but like many of you, I know exactly where most of my things are in an otherwise random combination of library, laundry hamper, assorted technology, and school supplies. By the time I turned to straightening my pile of wedding announcements and neatly stacking the growing pile of books to read, I had built a good amount of momentum in my morning cleaning spree. As I was putting away some old Exercise & Sport Science textbooks and notes, I stumbled upon something that halted all production for the day.
I found notes from my old MUSS days. Now when I refer to "my old MUSS days," I usually mean the years I served as a Vice-President/President-Elect and then President, 2010 and 2011, respectively. January 2010 through December 2011 are easily among my favorite years as an undergrad at Utah. When I say I found notes, I mean I found every single note I took over that 2 year span. From initial interviews for MUSS Board members, meetings with departments and student groups on campus, executive committee meetings, meetings outside the University of Utah, business cards, phone numbers, board meeting agendas, all the way to any random idea I came up with that I thought could help the MUSS grow and improve. I have a couple binders (albeit small) full of just notes and papers. I probably have more notes than most students have from classes for those semesters. I have "found" these notes numerous times in the past, but today I decided to read through some of the stuff a bit, just for a nice stroll down Memory Lane.
It's amazing how much we can remember with simple cues. Even more so, it's amazing what we can feel with those simple cues. Inside jokes, abbreviations, symbols, and the like were littered throughout my notes. Some moments I have not thought of in a few years came flooding back. My brain went into the archives to retrieve the old sights, sounds, and other senses involved with my notes. I remember all of the behind the scenes work we did.
Tabling at freshmen orientations. Calling people to welcome them to the MUSS Board. Dragging the damn Plinko board all over the place and rebuilding it. Twice. Difficult, but productive conversations with board members. Parade floats. Crimson Nights. The Pac-10/12 invitation moment and shaking hands with Commissioner Larry Scott on national television. ESPN Gameday. Dominating the Food Drive vs. BYU. Meeting with coaches. Getting to know those coaches on a first name basis. Standing up to higher ups and telling them to their face that I thought something was a bad idea and they go through with it anyway (only to agree with me later). MUSS Soccer scarves. Building a MUSS for Utah Volleyball. Meeting the Utah Gymnastics team and working with them for years to come. Running the MUSS flag out at a football game. Collaborating with dozens of schools in the west except for BYU. It was almost as if I dropped into Tom Riddle's diary or Dumbledore's Pensieve from Harry Potter, without the murder and looming Horcrux or ghostly past vibes.
I can't help but look back at those times fondly, especially as MUSS President in 2011. 2010 was great, but there was something magical (pun somewhat intended) about that year. I loved that board and all its members. It was so cohesive. For the most part, I think just about everybody felt like they could have a fun conversation with any person on that board. At board meetings, people moved around from meeting to meeting because they felt comfortable enough to sit next to anyone on the board, not just their best friends. That was how we wanted it as a executive committee.
Don't get me wrong, when we needed to be strict and get things done, we tightened up and got the job done. But I never felt that board members thought that they were really being forced into tabling or volunteering for events. Even better, people looked forward to board meetings, sometimes even apologizing to me more than once if they had to miss one. If they did miss one, I was sure to have a text or email asking for updates. Everyone wanted to contribute because everybody knew that they had a stake and role on the board. They knew that every single one of them was an important piece to that board, the MUSS, and in some cases the university itself. I owe so much thanks to Ellen Stemle and Kenny Morley, my Vice-Presidents, as well as John Fackler and Brynn Whitchurch, our advisers, for helping me create such a welcoming and productive culture that year. And if you were on the board that year, I hope you felt like you were a part of something special. Even now, if you're currently on the board, even though I'm not on the board, I'd love to talk The MUSS with you.
Spoiler alert: things are about to get a bit sad.
Then, while looking at the names of board member, something fell out that binder that brought me back to reality. It was a newspaper clipping from the Post Register in Idaho Falls. "I.F. grad dies after Utah ski accident."
"I.F. grad dies after Utah ski accident."
Just typing those words bring tears to my eyes. If you want to hear more of the story, contact me, let's go out for coffee, and I'll share whatever you want to know about that day. As briefly as I can make it, on Sunday morning, January 29, 2012, my little sister, Asha, a recently initiated member of Pi Beta Phi's PC '11, had an epilepsy related seizure while on a ski lift up at The Canyons in Park City with some friends. She fell onto an area where three different runs meet, creating a hard packed snow surface. Long story short, she died from complications from that fall before they could airlift her to a hospital.
It is difficult for me to type exactly what happened in the days and weeks to follow (again, more of a face to face coffee chat), but I can tell you that my priorities shifted. After two wonderful years on being involved with the MUSS and all the involvement with Utah Athletics, it didn't matter anymore. Sports and so many other things that seemed important in life quickly became a distant second place. A second place to family, but I've since then carried a slightly altered definition of "family." My family was/is not just my immediate family and anyone that I'm directly related to. At the time of Asha's passing, she and I were the only family members in Salt Lake City. Our brother, Alex, has been in Los Angeles pursuing stand up comedy (follow him on Twitter at @alexdcomedy. Our sister, Jenni, and her family live back home in Idaho Falls. Our parents also live in Idaho Falls, but they were at their second home in Southwest Florida. In other words, my immediate family was all over the place.
Personally, my family extends way beyond my immediate family. I have a Utah family. At the time, I had the MUSS board, Student Alumni Board, my grad program classmates, and all of the other close relationships built over the years. I was nearly overwhelmed with all of the love and support from everyone that ever touched my life at Utah. I knew I made a bit of an impact on some lives, but I did not realize just how profound the reciprocation would be. Roommates, classmates, board members, advisers, coaches, athletes, and unique friendships were immediately at my side. I gained a bit of a Greek family from this as well. Specifically, I gained a family of Pi Phi sisters. I would like to thank Erica Glende and her officers for handling that whole situation so well and taking care of my family. If you're a Pi Phi and were at this past spring's chapter meeting when I addressed all of you, then you know just how deeply moved I am by your acceptance. Especially PC '11. I always like to say that there's no love quite like Pi Phi love because I have experienced it full force. (Pi Phis, if you did not read it, I think Katie Koplow has the letter I wrote to PC '11).
Before me sat two drastically contrasting moments in my life. The greatest contribution I think I've ever formally been a part of with The MUSS Board, and a reminder of how quickly it can all mean nothing.
It's now July 2014. Nearly 2 & 1/2 years since my dad shocked my world with a short phone conversation. Two and a half years, and I am just barely beginning to really process all of that week, in addition to what I want out of life. While I am thankful I just finished grad school, I don't think I really allowed myself to really process everything. Only in the past few weeks have I really just sat down and thought about everything. Some questions that I ponder(ed) are some that I encourage others to deeply think about: "What is important to me? Who is important to me? Who am I? Who am I not? Who makes me feel worth something? How do I make others feel about themselves? Who do I admire and why? Who are the people I look up to? Do I tend to think positively or negatively?" While some of those question are more rhetorical than literal, I believe they are still worth pondering to an extent.
If you've made it this far, then you may be wondering if I have anything profound to say or if this blog post is about to end. (Chances are that I will disappoint you on both fronts). Like I said, only the past few weeks have I really processed a lot of things. I've learned a lot about myself and really started to become comfortable with myself. Some people have told me they see me as a very confident person, and in most cases I am, but it may surprise you how much insecurities I've not addressed over the years. For instance, I used to be pretty concerned with not upsetting others. Not that I felt like I needed to please everyone, but I do not like to upset others, so I would generally try steer away from confrontation. While I still don't like upsetting others, I have been more secure in my own opinions and with who I am. I am better at setting up my own boundaries. Sort of a, "This is who I am and what I'm all about," kind of thing, but with no arrogance intended. I once read something that said confidence is being comfortable enough with yourself that you don't feel the need to compare yourself with others. I'm far from perfect in any sense, but I do my best and I've learned that I don't need to feel concerned with comparing myself with others.
I've always liked to believed that, for the most part, I genuinely get along with everyone I meet. Whether they are genuine with me is a different story, but I hope that everyone I've met feels like I am genuine with them. I actually do care about you when I ask, "How are you doing?" I'm not just going through the motions. I want you to feel the love and sense of belonging that I have felt throughout my life. It is as simple as treating you like a person. Not a title, not a position, not a number, but a person.
If I were to end this with some suggestions to people, I suppose it is similar to the theme of my last post. Perhaps the theme is the same because it is a theme for my life. I firmly believe that everyone wants a sense of belonging. Do you welcome new board members, friends, students, etc. with open arms, or are you quick to give them an incidental cold shoulder? It is simple, but not easy, to extend your hand to someone you don't know and introduce yourself. It is even more difficult to do that if you are new to a group. I always do my best to remember what it is like to be new somewhere and the fear of not knowing anyone. Then I remember those who did welcome me in and how the tension disappeared. Maybe my welcoming comes off insincere to some because I know that there are some people I know that no matter how hard they try, they come across sounding fake, even if they aren't meaning to appear that way. But simply put, are you someone who welcomes someone intentionally or passively ignore them?
Some friends might call me optimistic to a fault. While that may be true, I believe that you always have a choice in the way you think. You can choose to look at the bright side of things and move towards that, or you can focus on the negatives. What kind of person do you enjoy being around more: Someone who always seems to complain about life around them, or someone who encourages your spirit? Perhaps a better question is who would you rather be? Whatever you choose in life, be sure you know why you do things the way you do them.
Yes, this was a long post. Maybe it was boring for you to read. Maybe you really disagree with everything I wrote. Maybe you have a brand new idea for the MUSS that no one has ever thought of (try me). To be honest, I'm not 100% what my point was for writing this other than to put my thoughts out there. Whether you liked it or not, that's fine with me. Leave a comment, question, or future topic for me. Thanks for reading!
This Friday morning, I woke up fairly early for me (7 AM) after the first full night's sleep I've had in a very long time. Feeling pretty refreshed, I decided to get out of bed instead of going back to sleep and risk waking back up at 11 AM, thus wasting another morning. With nothing special to do, I decided to start cleaning the apartment a little bit. I swept and mopped the kitchen, washed the dishes, wiped the counters, tidied up the bathroom, and even threw in a load of laundry. By the time 9 AM rolled around, I accomplished more before noon than I had in the last couple weeks combined. With the public areas of our apartment looking more presentable, I turned towards the organized chaos of my room.
I don't know about you, but there is a direct correlation between how busy or stressed I am and how messy my room is. The more busy/stressed I feel, the messier my room is. On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being "Tornado Warning in Area" and 10 being "Super Clean," it's sitting at about an 8. Like I said earlier, I like to describe my room as organized chaos. It doesn't look very organized, but like many of you, I know exactly where most of my things are in an otherwise random combination of library, laundry hamper, assorted technology, and school supplies. By the time I turned to straightening my pile of wedding announcements and neatly stacking the growing pile of books to read, I had built a good amount of momentum in my morning cleaning spree. As I was putting away some old Exercise & Sport Science textbooks and notes, I stumbled upon something that halted all production for the day.
I found notes from my old MUSS days. Now when I refer to "my old MUSS days," I usually mean the years I served as a Vice-President/President-Elect and then President, 2010 and 2011, respectively. January 2010 through December 2011 are easily among my favorite years as an undergrad at Utah. When I say I found notes, I mean I found every single note I took over that 2 year span. From initial interviews for MUSS Board members, meetings with departments and student groups on campus, executive committee meetings, meetings outside the University of Utah, business cards, phone numbers, board meeting agendas, all the way to any random idea I came up with that I thought could help the MUSS grow and improve. I have a couple binders (albeit small) full of just notes and papers. I probably have more notes than most students have from classes for those semesters. I have "found" these notes numerous times in the past, but today I decided to read through some of the stuff a bit, just for a nice stroll down Memory Lane.
It's amazing how much we can remember with simple cues. Even more so, it's amazing what we can feel with those simple cues. Inside jokes, abbreviations, symbols, and the like were littered throughout my notes. Some moments I have not thought of in a few years came flooding back. My brain went into the archives to retrieve the old sights, sounds, and other senses involved with my notes. I remember all of the behind the scenes work we did.
Tabling at freshmen orientations. Calling people to welcome them to the MUSS Board. Dragging the damn Plinko board all over the place and rebuilding it. Twice. Difficult, but productive conversations with board members. Parade floats. Crimson Nights. The Pac-10/12 invitation moment and shaking hands with Commissioner Larry Scott on national television. ESPN Gameday. Dominating the Food Drive vs. BYU. Meeting with coaches. Getting to know those coaches on a first name basis. Standing up to higher ups and telling them to their face that I thought something was a bad idea and they go through with it anyway (only to agree with me later). MUSS Soccer scarves. Building a MUSS for Utah Volleyball. Meeting the Utah Gymnastics team and working with them for years to come. Running the MUSS flag out at a football game. Collaborating with dozens of schools in the west except for BYU. It was almost as if I dropped into Tom Riddle's diary or Dumbledore's Pensieve from Harry Potter, without the murder and looming Horcrux or ghostly past vibes.
I can't help but look back at those times fondly, especially as MUSS President in 2011. 2010 was great, but there was something magical (pun somewhat intended) about that year. I loved that board and all its members. It was so cohesive. For the most part, I think just about everybody felt like they could have a fun conversation with any person on that board. At board meetings, people moved around from meeting to meeting because they felt comfortable enough to sit next to anyone on the board, not just their best friends. That was how we wanted it as a executive committee.
Don't get me wrong, when we needed to be strict and get things done, we tightened up and got the job done. But I never felt that board members thought that they were really being forced into tabling or volunteering for events. Even better, people looked forward to board meetings, sometimes even apologizing to me more than once if they had to miss one. If they did miss one, I was sure to have a text or email asking for updates. Everyone wanted to contribute because everybody knew that they had a stake and role on the board. They knew that every single one of them was an important piece to that board, the MUSS, and in some cases the university itself. I owe so much thanks to Ellen Stemle and Kenny Morley, my Vice-Presidents, as well as John Fackler and Brynn Whitchurch, our advisers, for helping me create such a welcoming and productive culture that year. And if you were on the board that year, I hope you felt like you were a part of something special. Even now, if you're currently on the board, even though I'm not on the board, I'd love to talk The MUSS with you.
Spoiler alert: things are about to get a bit sad.
Then, while looking at the names of board member, something fell out that binder that brought me back to reality. It was a newspaper clipping from the Post Register in Idaho Falls. "I.F. grad dies after Utah ski accident."
"I.F. grad dies after Utah ski accident."
Just typing those words bring tears to my eyes. If you want to hear more of the story, contact me, let's go out for coffee, and I'll share whatever you want to know about that day. As briefly as I can make it, on Sunday morning, January 29, 2012, my little sister, Asha, a recently initiated member of Pi Beta Phi's PC '11, had an epilepsy related seizure while on a ski lift up at The Canyons in Park City with some friends. She fell onto an area where three different runs meet, creating a hard packed snow surface. Long story short, she died from complications from that fall before they could airlift her to a hospital.
It is difficult for me to type exactly what happened in the days and weeks to follow (again, more of a face to face coffee chat), but I can tell you that my priorities shifted. After two wonderful years on being involved with the MUSS and all the involvement with Utah Athletics, it didn't matter anymore. Sports and so many other things that seemed important in life quickly became a distant second place. A second place to family, but I've since then carried a slightly altered definition of "family." My family was/is not just my immediate family and anyone that I'm directly related to. At the time of Asha's passing, she and I were the only family members in Salt Lake City. Our brother, Alex, has been in Los Angeles pursuing stand up comedy (follow him on Twitter at @alexdcomedy. Our sister, Jenni, and her family live back home in Idaho Falls. Our parents also live in Idaho Falls, but they were at their second home in Southwest Florida. In other words, my immediate family was all over the place.
Personally, my family extends way beyond my immediate family. I have a Utah family. At the time, I had the MUSS board, Student Alumni Board, my grad program classmates, and all of the other close relationships built over the years. I was nearly overwhelmed with all of the love and support from everyone that ever touched my life at Utah. I knew I made a bit of an impact on some lives, but I did not realize just how profound the reciprocation would be. Roommates, classmates, board members, advisers, coaches, athletes, and unique friendships were immediately at my side. I gained a bit of a Greek family from this as well. Specifically, I gained a family of Pi Phi sisters. I would like to thank Erica Glende and her officers for handling that whole situation so well and taking care of my family. If you're a Pi Phi and were at this past spring's chapter meeting when I addressed all of you, then you know just how deeply moved I am by your acceptance. Especially PC '11. I always like to say that there's no love quite like Pi Phi love because I have experienced it full force. (Pi Phis, if you did not read it, I think Katie Koplow has the letter I wrote to PC '11).
Before me sat two drastically contrasting moments in my life. The greatest contribution I think I've ever formally been a part of with The MUSS Board, and a reminder of how quickly it can all mean nothing.
It's now July 2014. Nearly 2 & 1/2 years since my dad shocked my world with a short phone conversation. Two and a half years, and I am just barely beginning to really process all of that week, in addition to what I want out of life. While I am thankful I just finished grad school, I don't think I really allowed myself to really process everything. Only in the past few weeks have I really just sat down and thought about everything. Some questions that I ponder(ed) are some that I encourage others to deeply think about: "What is important to me? Who is important to me? Who am I? Who am I not? Who makes me feel worth something? How do I make others feel about themselves? Who do I admire and why? Who are the people I look up to? Do I tend to think positively or negatively?" While some of those question are more rhetorical than literal, I believe they are still worth pondering to an extent.
If you've made it this far, then you may be wondering if I have anything profound to say or if this blog post is about to end. (Chances are that I will disappoint you on both fronts). Like I said, only the past few weeks have I really processed a lot of things. I've learned a lot about myself and really started to become comfortable with myself. Some people have told me they see me as a very confident person, and in most cases I am, but it may surprise you how much insecurities I've not addressed over the years. For instance, I used to be pretty concerned with not upsetting others. Not that I felt like I needed to please everyone, but I do not like to upset others, so I would generally try steer away from confrontation. While I still don't like upsetting others, I have been more secure in my own opinions and with who I am. I am better at setting up my own boundaries. Sort of a, "This is who I am and what I'm all about," kind of thing, but with no arrogance intended. I once read something that said confidence is being comfortable enough with yourself that you don't feel the need to compare yourself with others. I'm far from perfect in any sense, but I do my best and I've learned that I don't need to feel concerned with comparing myself with others.
I've always liked to believed that, for the most part, I genuinely get along with everyone I meet. Whether they are genuine with me is a different story, but I hope that everyone I've met feels like I am genuine with them. I actually do care about you when I ask, "How are you doing?" I'm not just going through the motions. I want you to feel the love and sense of belonging that I have felt throughout my life. It is as simple as treating you like a person. Not a title, not a position, not a number, but a person.
If I were to end this with some suggestions to people, I suppose it is similar to the theme of my last post. Perhaps the theme is the same because it is a theme for my life. I firmly believe that everyone wants a sense of belonging. Do you welcome new board members, friends, students, etc. with open arms, or are you quick to give them an incidental cold shoulder? It is simple, but not easy, to extend your hand to someone you don't know and introduce yourself. It is even more difficult to do that if you are new to a group. I always do my best to remember what it is like to be new somewhere and the fear of not knowing anyone. Then I remember those who did welcome me in and how the tension disappeared. Maybe my welcoming comes off insincere to some because I know that there are some people I know that no matter how hard they try, they come across sounding fake, even if they aren't meaning to appear that way. But simply put, are you someone who welcomes someone intentionally or passively ignore them?
Some friends might call me optimistic to a fault. While that may be true, I believe that you always have a choice in the way you think. You can choose to look at the bright side of things and move towards that, or you can focus on the negatives. What kind of person do you enjoy being around more: Someone who always seems to complain about life around them, or someone who encourages your spirit? Perhaps a better question is who would you rather be? Whatever you choose in life, be sure you know why you do things the way you do them.
Yes, this was a long post. Maybe it was boring for you to read. Maybe you really disagree with everything I wrote. Maybe you have a brand new idea for the MUSS that no one has ever thought of (try me). To be honest, I'm not 100% what my point was for writing this other than to put my thoughts out there. Whether you liked it or not, that's fine with me. Leave a comment, question, or future topic for me. Thanks for reading!
Friday, June 20, 2014
First post, new life chapter
Hello friends,
It's been so long since I've written a blog post that I can't even remember the old blog address. Perhaps it's a good thing, because I'm just beginning a new chapter in life. Fair warning, this will be a lengthy post, but I hope you still get something out of this rambling post.
As most of you know, I recently graduated with my Masters in Psychosocial Aspects of Sport (Sport Psychology) from the University of Utah. In the weeks since receiving my diploma that officially deems me a Master of Science in Exercise and Sport Science, I've spent most of the time reflecting on my time at the U. From an out-of-state freshmen on the Honors Floor in 802 Chapel Glen to becoming President of The MUSS to struggling to write a thesis in grad school to my final Masters presentation on student leadership, one could say that I got the most out of my time at Utah. Recently, a friend asked me a simple, yet significant question: "What will you miss most about it all?"
A quick side note. While serving on the MUSS Board and Student Alumni Board, one tradition that begins ever meeting is something we call a "Favorite Utah Moment." One board member is asked to tell the rest of the board their favorite moment while at Utah. It is open to the presenter's interpretation, but most of the time people mention the 2005 Fiesta Bowl, 2009 Sugar Bowl, or the moment they knew they made the right choice in attending the University of Utah. I've been blessed with enough special moments that I could probably give a different memory for every meeting I've ever attended.
But what will I miss the most? Out of everything I ever participated in, all the ups and downs, all of the amazing opportunities presented before me, how could I ever decide on what I would miss the most?
For those of you who know me pretty well, my answer should not surprise you. Quite simply, I will miss the relationships. I love just sitting down with someone and listening to their story. I have so many wonderful friends from so many different circles from not only at Utah, but from my entire life. Everybody has a story that brought them to where they are in that moment. Yet, just like an iceberg or a book, most people only see what's on top without diving into the depth that is a person. Naturally, I have some friends that I am closer with than others, but I still feel like I have a genuine connection with most people. From my freshmen friends to MUSS board/SAB friends to grad school friends to my favorite Pi Phis, I love that I have so many friends all over the place.
I will miss being able to go just about anywhere on campus and running into someone I know and making each other's day just by saying hello with a hug. I will miss getting to meetings early and leaving late because I get to hang out with my favorite people. I do not make friends simply just to have another friend to add on Facebook, and I sincerely hope that those who have met me know that. There are few things in life that I enjoy more than seeing someone light up when I say hi to them. Even more so, there are few feelings more rewarding in my life than a friend surprising me by telling me that I am one of the reasons they loved some part of the U.
Everybody wants just feel like they belong somewhere, so I always make it a point to make others feel like they are in a place where they are comfortable. I didn't hang out with everyone all the time, no one can, but I hope that people felt like they could open up and talk to me if they needed a friend to lean on. To everyone I worked alongside with during my time at the U, I hope I made you feel as welcome as I felt around you. As sincerely as I can express in text, thank you for everything.
If you made it this far, thanks for humoring me. Leave a comment or something if you have thoughts on this and/or topics you'd like me to write about!
It's been so long since I've written a blog post that I can't even remember the old blog address. Perhaps it's a good thing, because I'm just beginning a new chapter in life. Fair warning, this will be a lengthy post, but I hope you still get something out of this rambling post.
As most of you know, I recently graduated with my Masters in Psychosocial Aspects of Sport (Sport Psychology) from the University of Utah. In the weeks since receiving my diploma that officially deems me a Master of Science in Exercise and Sport Science, I've spent most of the time reflecting on my time at the U. From an out-of-state freshmen on the Honors Floor in 802 Chapel Glen to becoming President of The MUSS to struggling to write a thesis in grad school to my final Masters presentation on student leadership, one could say that I got the most out of my time at Utah. Recently, a friend asked me a simple, yet significant question: "What will you miss most about it all?"
A quick side note. While serving on the MUSS Board and Student Alumni Board, one tradition that begins ever meeting is something we call a "Favorite Utah Moment." One board member is asked to tell the rest of the board their favorite moment while at Utah. It is open to the presenter's interpretation, but most of the time people mention the 2005 Fiesta Bowl, 2009 Sugar Bowl, or the moment they knew they made the right choice in attending the University of Utah. I've been blessed with enough special moments that I could probably give a different memory for every meeting I've ever attended.
But what will I miss the most? Out of everything I ever participated in, all the ups and downs, all of the amazing opportunities presented before me, how could I ever decide on what I would miss the most?
For those of you who know me pretty well, my answer should not surprise you. Quite simply, I will miss the relationships. I love just sitting down with someone and listening to their story. I have so many wonderful friends from so many different circles from not only at Utah, but from my entire life. Everybody has a story that brought them to where they are in that moment. Yet, just like an iceberg or a book, most people only see what's on top without diving into the depth that is a person. Naturally, I have some friends that I am closer with than others, but I still feel like I have a genuine connection with most people. From my freshmen friends to MUSS board/SAB friends to grad school friends to my favorite Pi Phis, I love that I have so many friends all over the place.
I will miss being able to go just about anywhere on campus and running into someone I know and making each other's day just by saying hello with a hug. I will miss getting to meetings early and leaving late because I get to hang out with my favorite people. I do not make friends simply just to have another friend to add on Facebook, and I sincerely hope that those who have met me know that. There are few things in life that I enjoy more than seeing someone light up when I say hi to them. Even more so, there are few feelings more rewarding in my life than a friend surprising me by telling me that I am one of the reasons they loved some part of the U.
Everybody wants just feel like they belong somewhere, so I always make it a point to make others feel like they are in a place where they are comfortable. I didn't hang out with everyone all the time, no one can, but I hope that people felt like they could open up and talk to me if they needed a friend to lean on. To everyone I worked alongside with during my time at the U, I hope I made you feel as welcome as I felt around you. As sincerely as I can express in text, thank you for everything.
If you made it this far, thanks for humoring me. Leave a comment or something if you have thoughts on this and/or topics you'd like me to write about!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)